Letter to myself, 16 years ago

So today, June 21, 2012 marks 16 years since I graduated High School… the day I was pushed out into the world.  I reflected on my ups and downs.  I asked myself what would I change.  I searched for possible regrets.  I looked at past loves.  I searched for patterns.  Blah BLah BLAH!!!!  So below is the letter….

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Dear Self… that John Coltrane song… now Kitty Bradshaw,

So this letter is from present you… the 2012 version.  Maybe it will guide you along the way *shrugs* or maybe just dangle the carrot in front of your head.  I have 45 minutes to write this letter so lets just jump right in.

1. FUCK EVERYBODY, DO you! Be wary of people who try to discourage you from rising above.  You wanted to be a radio dj, you wanted to be a hair dresser, you wanted to enlist in the military, you wanted to be a teacher. Don’t let anyone prevent you from taking the first step on your path.  I am not saying those are the professions that you are destined to fulfill, but at least try them out to see if it was meant to be. The worst mistakes you make are the ones you allowed others to make for you.

2. TRUST YOUR GUT- If it doesn’t feel right, it ain’t right.  Do to the fact that you are a smart girl, you learn this lesson fairly quickly so I won’t give you any heads up.  You will have to bump your head a few times to truly appreciate the lesson… but thankfully nothing too bad happens from not trusting your better judgement.

3. YOUR LIFE IS NOT YOUR OWN- You will make a lot of plans for yourself… but God had his own plan.  You are unique, you are special, you are weird, you are not meant to be ordinary and this is why you don’t fit in…you are here to serve on a mission that even today I don’t know what it is.

4. WRITE, PRAY– When you cry at night write. pray. when you can’t figure out what is wrong write. pray.  When your heart is heavy, and you can’t place your finger on what is wrong… write. pray.

5. GOD- he is not just your father he is your Savior.  He will save you, from YOU and those around you more times than you can count.  Again, he has this plan for you… more like a mission that he needs you to carry out.  You will be stripped of much, you will be alone, your heart will break…. you are being conditioned to fight.  There will be times when you think he has abandoned you… he will never leave you, but he won’t coddle you either.  He is training you for the fight ahead.

6. OAKLAND RAIDERS- Still the greatest team in sports history… that hasn’t changed and Al Davis will out live you.

7. LOVE- This may sound very crazy to you… BUT! you will fall in love with a State!  I won’t tell you which one.. but you will know it as soon as you touch ground.  The moment you enter this State it will call out to you like no man, no woman, no parent, no nothing ever could.  A sense of belonging will come over you, and you will dream about living there.  You will spend all of your money flying back and forth. You, myself 16 years ago… probably can’t imagine living anywhere else.  Soon, you will realize that things familiar, are the same things that make you miserable.  God has chosen this state as your training ground…

8. LATRICE- Your only regret… never miss a chance to say goodbye.

9. YOU ARE A SMART GIRL…  I just wish you knew that.  You figure out things fairly quickly, but the things you figure out put people you trust in a negative light.  I can’t really elaborate… you will just have to see for yourself.

10. CREDIT CARDS IN COLLEGE-  Stay away from the Credit Cards; they are no good!  Pay for everything in cash.  You have an abundance of money so there is no need to have credit cards.

These are the main points that I felt were important.  It’s funny because I could have given you specific examples, but you are so head strong believing the world is good that you wouldn’t listen.  Just know that when you are going through bad times, God will always be there to shine a light and make a way.

Take Care,

-Myself, 2012