Kitty Bradshaw

Writer. Traveler. Creative.

NYC Life Lessons: Emotional Leaches

 LESSONS I LEARNED WHILE LIVING IN NEW YORK

 

As human beings we will experience life, death, pain, suffering, love, joy, and rejection.  I won’t sit here and say “Shit happens, get over it”… but I will talk about how I am tired of the emotional leaches in my life who seem to think that they are the only ones who go through obstacles.  For the last two years I have dealt with my own demons and doing my best to figure out how to DEAL.  I know what it is to be in pain and having the need to just talk to someone.  Having that knowledge, I made a conscious effort to not try to dump all of my shit on my friends.

A wound can’t heal if you seek sympathy over medical attention

 

As a Neighbor, Friend, Girlfriend, or Wife I will be there for you.. but at some point I gotta go back to dealing with my own demons

 

I learned a valuable lesson last week…Treat sympathy like your finances and set limits.  I love you… but sometimes love means removing the crutch of my shoulder and forcing you to stand up strong.  Sitting here writing this article I ask myself what is an acceptable amount of energy and time to give to one person.  You are hurting… You are mad… You are frustrated… and two years later you are stall of those things.  So what is your end game?  Do you realize that I, now, neglect my own needs and wants to constantly be there for you?  It gets to a point where my body starts to reject people like it rejects toxins in the system.  When we have a cold, we get a fever.  When eat something bad, our body flushes it out.  When we encounter emotional leaches, anxiety develops whenever we hear their name.  Something in us urges us to avoid them as much as possible.  We become torn between trying to be there for them and not wanting to become emotionally drained.

 

I felt sorry for someone and was sympathetic to their situation. They used me up then threw me under the bus to a mutual friend

 

Soooo I get it… I was only good for them when I saw them as a victim.  I hate when people experience life not according to their terms, and use that as an excuse to treat people bad. As soon as I realized that I was an enabler, and allowing this person to get away with certain things because I felt sorry for them… I stopped my endless supply of sympathy.  This person was an addict and I was their dealer.  Instead of seeking help for their problems, they focused on becoming a cancer to themselves and people around them.  Again, I stopped the supply of sympathy; they then saw me as the enemy and turned cold.

I am not mad… just wiser and more direct. I know for a fact that I am now better after experiencing and growing from that lesson. At the same time I also feel hurt… but I will be OK, loll.  I feel hurt because I invested so much into this person.  I feel hurt because I put my own feelings aside to cater to them.  With the above mentioned being said… I will eventually begin to feel relieved because they freed me from their existence.

Closure

 

Being able to walk away from something looking forward…

I advanced to the next round! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Comments

  1. @ByondBlckBeauty June 12, 2012

    I completely understand where you are coming from. This rant can be applied to friends and family members.

    XOXO,
    Beyondblackbeauty.com

  2. Kim Porter June 16, 2012

    I have a few people like this. I guess they think since I don't complain about my so-called problems I don't have any myself? I just know that complaining doesn't help rid a problem, it only gives it life.

  3. Ashely March 7, 2013

    This is so true ! Helps understand the true meaning of a friendship … Great blog !

  4. Ashlee March 8, 2013

    Sounds just like my friend… ugh

  5. toniann March 8, 2013

    great blog! i never looked at things that way.

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