New York Life: 4 Types of Friends

Recently while having a conversation with my aunt, we talked about the definition of friendship.  Lately the common theme has been mourning the loss of people.  I am mourning the loss of someone I trusted as a friend, and loved as a partner.  While I go through this hard time, I am also observing a female who I once considered a friend, sever ties with me by throwing “shade” at me through FaceBook and Twitter.  I have a friend of mines who is going through a situation where her long time mentor decided to cut her off without an explanation.  While another friend had one of his longtime friends display erratic behavior behind a female who came between the group of friends.

This post is about recognizing the different categories of friendships, and developing a strategy.  First, let me start with saying that initially no one can tell off hand if a friendship is seasonal or lifelong.  Additionally, once friendship is established, one needs to determine what category said friend is in.  For example: is this person your best friend(s), core group, general population, or an associate?  Now lets assume that you reserve the title of “Best Friend” for the truly elite.  Once you know what category people reside in, it gets easier to put things into perspective as your friends promote, demote, or move on all together from category to category.  Also, don’t expect best friend behavior from an associate, and don’t expect general population to plan your baby shower.  Each group of friends plays their unique role and it is for you to clearly recognize and understand their individual categories.

4 Types of Friends

1. Best Friend- You share the same values, represent the same code of ethics, and have very similar backgrounds and family structures.  These relationship flow like water.  Your Best Friend understands you, and can think for you because they share the same mindset.  Although rare, you can have more than one best friend.  I have two best friends.

2. Core Group of Friends- These types are an extension of your best friend(s).  While your bestfriends share your whole life, your core group may on share certain facets.  These friends may be military buddies, sorrors/frat sibblings, etc. There is no easy way to define your core group as there is a thin veil separating the core groups from besties and general pop.  The best way to figure out who your core group of friends is, imagine you won a trip to some exotic destination and you get to bring your best friend, and 4 additional friends.  Now who are the 4 friends you would bring along?  Those are your core friends.  Note:  These would also be the same friends you would call if you got arrested and needed to raise bail money, lolll.

3. General Population- This group of friends may or may not share a journey with you.  People in this category are childhood friends, someone you have been dating a few months, parents of your children’s friends, etc.  Sometimes they are your best friends, friends.  Or these could be long time co-workers, church friends… people you have known for a while who share a common denominator… but nothing more.

4. Associates- Now let’s not associate this category with anything negative.  This is just the group that you don’t know well enough to consider them a friend.  This might be the group auditioning to be a friend, or a group who just didn’t cut it but you are still cordial to them.  No, they don’t get invites to your home. No, you don’t confide in them.  Actually.. for the most part this group doesn’t even know my last name, loll.  This is the group where your co-workers reside.  Anyone you are in competition with.  For example… you might find your mates best friend or ex-spouse who they may or may not share children.

Now that you know the different categories, it is time to figure out what type of friend you are to these four groups of friends.  Honestly, aside from giving what you expect in return… I can not tell you what type of friend you should be.  Every person’s needs are different.  For example I am extremely flighty.  My Best Friends are equally flighty and sometimes moody.  I have best friends who have extremely thick skin, a dark side, and unemotional.  On judgement day I can not guess if we will be tried together or individually, loll.  My core group is a tight bunch… their like characteristics are that they are all successful in their individual careers.  My best friends and my core friends are all alpha personalities.  We are all self sufficient and operate separately.  There is a special magic between us that I can not explain.  Like any alpha pack, we all have our individual strengths and pull our weight to support the larger group.  Again, it is for you to decide what type of friends you need, and what type of friend that you will be to your groups.

General Population and Associates get a piece of the pie… it’s just not as big as my BFF and  Core Group.  I don’t know if this is right or wrong but I try not to get attached to the lesser two groups because the chances of them becoming a permanent fixture are slim to none.  Some times I make the mistake of promoting a GenPop prematurely.  I have learned to keep competitors in the Associates category indefinitely.  Sometimes Associates display friend like behavior… but at the end of the day if we are competing for the same thing, the Universe will not allow a friendship because our first priority will always be to look out for ourselves in hopes of taking the prize.

I hope that this article helped to shed some light on friendship categories.  The next post in this series will be, “When to Forgive, and when to Unfriend”.