33 Years of Kitty Bradshaw

This post is some random thoughts leading up to, surround, and post 33rd birthday which took place this past Sunday, November 20th.

1. I Googled party themes for “33” and found out the 33rd year in a person’s life is a power number.  As adults, we have reached our peak as far as personality traits, and characteristics.  33 is our fork in the road… we have all of our tools, it’s just a matter of deciding which direction we are going in.

My crossroad is I think I have reached a point in my life where I will no longer be taken advantage of.  I will no longer live for other people.  I will no longer hold dead weight.  I will no longer allow negative energy to stay in my life.  I have learned that when you release that dead energy, you propel forward.  While you are propelling, you lose people, you lose places, you loose things.  The thing about propelling forward is…. you get to a point where you are stripped naked.  So it’s just me and God.  Being naked is lonely. I am not sure if I should go back and see if I can salvage anything.

2.  I learned that Jesus died on the cross at 33, in 33A.D.

Thats interesting…

3. I hate my real name.  I hate my first name, I hate my last name.  I hate it.  I didn’t realize how much I hated my government name until the guy that I am being friendly with kept saying my name, and the more he said it, the more it annoyed me.  I didn’t know why it bothered me, but I had to sit and really ask myself why. Int hat moment,  I realized I hate my name.  It’s not me…. it’s a fraud… I am a fraud.  Maybe I should consider changing it.  *shrugs*  Yet one more thing I get rid of.

4.  Martha Stewart is some sort of damn GENIUS!  I Googled adult party themes and she featured a “numbers theme” on her site.  So I posted picture collages around my house, and got a birthday cake in the shape of a number 33.  Like, if I could invite any 10 people to dinner…. Martha Stewart would be the help! lollll

5. I can’t believe people actually like me.  A co-worker of mines said, “You are likeable, because you are very surface”.  As surface as I am, I am equally as closeted.

6. I really do believe in friendship.  I believe in loyalty.  I believe in respect.  I believe in the Hoes Code of Conduct.  I believe that friends are in some ways higher than family.  Friends choose to be in your life.  Family has no choice but to be in your life.  Blood maybe thicker than water… but water is what keeps the blood flowing.  Without water we die.

7. In this moment I like someone.  The problem is he is a more successful version of my ex-boyfriend whom I was deeply in love with.  They share the same exact birthday.  They both have deep-rooted issues.  They are very much similar in various ways. Note:  in my defense I did not purposely seek out the same version of the last chapter…. It just happened.  I am about to Google if Scorpios are compatible with Libras! lolll

These two have been called the ‘relationship signs’ for their capacity for coupling. Libra loves to be swept up in a breathless affair, and Scorpio has the urge to merge. The intensity of Scorpio’s gaze is like a tonic to Libra, who comes alive as the object of desire. The attraction may be the promise of something substantial, which both crave. They’ll be sizing each other up on dates, and enjoy the game of subtle innuendo. Scorpio looks for emotional resonance, and a kind of bonding that involves the soul. Relationships are no less important for Libra, but more happens for them at the airy plane of thought. This is where they clash, and may find problems relating.

Libra favors relationship lite, at least in the beginning, while Scorpio’s passions are all or nothing. It’s hard for Scorpio to pursue Libra in a long drawn-out courtship. There’s a chance that Scorpio will feel like Libra just doesn’t get them on a deep level. Scorpio has to decide Libra is worth the wait, and that this elusive lover has the emotional density they need. Even when Libra settles into a commitment, there’s a need for a personal space cushion. Scorpio’s enveloping nature, and tendency to be controlling could set off alarms for Libra. Above all, Libra likes to keep it clean and dignified, to the point of avoiding the dark corners of the relationship. Scorpio loves to probe and intermingle, and go to the bottom together, and rise up again. A persnickety Libra might find all that a bit dark and sordid, and not nice.

They’re neighbors on the Zodiac, and may even meet at harmonious degrees. Other planets are a big factor in whether this match is a love connection. A Scorpio that can be objective about their obsessive nature reassures Libra that they’re not diving off the deep end. Libra needs room to move, and a partner that has a flexible, open mind. A Libra with some sensuality and a strong libido gives the sexual Scorpio something to latch onto. Scorpio needs to take that intimate journey to the center of the heart with their partner. When there’s enough of what the other wants and needs, this is a match with potential.

Hmmm that was sort of DEAD ON! lolll  OK, I am very intense… so based on the Zodiac, Libras are weak.  So… if I train him to be a good soldier, we could possibly work out?!  One thing is for sure… I hate guys who smother me… and Libras are the none smothering type.  Wait are they trying to say Scorpios like to smother?!  We can revisit this later lolll.

8.  I want a pair of Tory Burch Reva Ballerina Flats for Christmas.

9. Al Davis… he taught me how to be loyal.  I love him, and am deeply sadden by his passing.

10. You know how they say Scorpios are possessive and controlling?!  If I had a bent penny for every person in my life currently, who thinks they have priority over everyone else… I could build a ship.  I don’t think that I am possessive… I just feel as if when I choose YOU… you should feel special and bow down, lolll.

11. I still can’t listen to Teena Marie’s music without feeling the need to cry.  Every now and then I catch myself singing one of her songs… and then around the 2nd verse I remember that I lost her.

12.  Why am I so addicted to the show,  The Walking Dead?!

13.  I can no longer watch Atlanta Housewives…. they lost me at Kandi being messy.

14.  I actually enjoy Hallmark cards.  I like when people think enough of me to take the time and pick out a card.

15.  At age 33, I still love Barbie… but only when she has a job.

16.  At age 33, I still love Hello Kitty.

17.  At age 33 I still love Miss Piggy… she has a successful career and a man who loves and supports her.  Kermit is an introvert, but keeps Miss Piggy in line.  They are the perfect balance.  I envy her.

18.  We are not truly friends if I sit around and say nothing in regards to you being abused.  If I say something, you’ll continue to cover up by lying, resent me, and leave… if I don’t say something I will continue to hide my true feelings by lying, resent you, and leave.  I am still your friend, I just can no longer take part…

19.  My goal is to get a manager/pr/publicist within one year’s time.

20.  I want to have children.

21.  At age 33, I don’t love my mother…  Nor do I like her.  She represents every bad memory that I have.  If I had continued to live in California, I would be dead from suicide. I decided this month that I never want to go back to California.  I can not be any more honest than that.  No, I am not suicidal, I just know what the flip side to this coin was had I not moved away.

22. I got to run around in FAO Schwarz before the store opened.  One of the best experiences of my life.

23.  God and myself talk all the time.  Our conversations are very informal.

24.  I am about to start PX90 next month.  I bought my resistance bands.

25.  Am I crazy or are Nicki Minaj’s rapping skills starting to improve?! lolll

26.  I was told I have 20/20 vision…. but I feel as blind as a bat, lolll.

27.  I can not be your friend, and at the same time feel like I am walking on egg shells.

28.  I like Ciroc… it taste good in lemonade 🙂

29.  At 33, I still like the color pink.

30. I still think about Melvin Jones…. he was the first time I ever saw an angel R.I.P.

31. I am very clear on who I am outside of Blogging, and am prepared to walk away once I start having children.

32.   I had a very successful 33rd birthday party.  Planning events allows me to be a control freak, without being judged for it lolll.

33.  I don’t know what the definition of true happiness is… I think it’s an emotion that people program you to feel.  I don’t know what it will take to feel happy…  I just focus on being “ok”… being “ok” is safe.  When you feel “happy” the bottom falls out.