Five Things That Can Stay in 2010

 1. Financial Immaturity- Well this was my last year’s resolution and it took about 4 months to become more stable, but I achieved it.  I want to continue to work on this in 2011…. So basically leave bad spending habits, and lack of planning in 2010.

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2. People- I am leaving a lot of people behind in 2010.  I feel as if there are people who take kindness for weakness, and in a sense kindness is weakness.  Being kind to people leaves you vulnerable to certain people who take advantage of that.  I think in 2011, I will discover who I am minus the people who have attached themselves on and became emotional leeches.  There are so many people who are miserable and want to put that misery on you.  The old saying is, “Misery Loves Company”… I didn’t understand what that meant until my hair started falling out.  I didn’t understand until I started to question why I have anxiety attacks.

 Since the early part of 2010, I have begun weeding people out of my life….. actually I pretty much just cleared everyone out except for a select few.  I can honestly say I am much happier as a person. I woke up one day last month and saw light.  I woke up one morning and I thanked God for no reason at all.  I am beginning to know what “Happy” means. I want to be a light to people around me, and a distant memory to those who never cared for me.

 

3. Unhealthy Lifestyle- So I realize that despite the disaster which is my life, I still need to remain healthy.  I realize I am getting older, and want to start taking vitamins, and doing more physical activity.   

 

4. Trauma- I think at one point I made peace with God… I asked him to never bring me around my mother again, and I in exchange will work hard to not hate her.  This is a day by day process and I more so than ever believe that there is a Devil. The Devil reminds me of all the things that happened to me in the past; he reminds me that I am alone in this world; he reminds me that I am accident.  The Devil wants to keep me in this dark place. 

The point of all that is… I work hard to remain positive.  I work hard to keep my sanity. I work hard to remain strong.  I work hard to keep my faith in God.  If  I didn’t have faith in him, I would be dead… most likely from my own hand.  I owe God everything that is me.  I want to continue to work on leaving past trauma’s behind.

 

5. Love- I don’t know what Love is, but whatever it is, it should stay in 2010.  I am not bitter, I am not angry behind love imploding… I think I lived, I learned, and now I want to move on.  There is someone I have loved for a very long time… I just wish I wasn’t Mount Rushmore and he wasn’t the Grand Canyon… we just weren’t meant to be together. 

What do Black Men stand for?

I went to church this past Sunday and I realized that the church was 80% women and 20% men. Now the men that were in attendance were of a certain age, mostly seniors. I began to wonder when did black men stop believing in God?! Now I am not saying that every black man on this planet doesn’t believe in God, what I am saying is why is that as a child I remember seeing Black men having a major presence in the church… now the numbers are vastly dwindling down. Today I hear more and more black men saying that they don’t believe in God and that is troubling to me. I asked one dude recently, “Do you believe in God?” His response, “I don’t believe in organized religion” My response, “That wasn’t what I asked you” and he became uncomfortable and danced around the question/answer so before I left it alone I made one last remark, “That was a yes or no question”. Now this is just one example of many examples…

Most Black men no longer stand behind black women either. I  hear a lot of black men say black women being just as fucked up as them… and to a certain extent that is true. However, men in general (not just black men) are supposed to be the head of the household. When you are the head, it means you are the leader, which means you are in control. Why are black men not using the power to set a standard? If the Shepard is corrupt, won’t the sheep become lost?

Let’s look at college attendance as well… forgive me because I don’t have the exact numbers but I do recall seeing something like black women to men in college are like 6:1. As a black woman who has a college degree, I don’t feel as if it’s something looked upon as an asset, but more of a hindrance in finding a husband. It’s like being overqualified for the job… you kinda have to dumb yourself down in fear that your potential mate will feel inferior to your educational achievements. I could be dumb as a bag of trail mix with no morals and multiple kids by different fathers and still land a husband based on the size of my ass and breast. I hear more and more men saying, “I want to put a baby in you”… meanwhile I am over here thinking… “What happened to marriage… you don’t want to commit but you wanna fuck up my life but impregnating me with your basterd child while you move on to the next chick?!”

In parting I am not some bitter black woman who is looking to put black men on the roast… I am just seeking answers so we all can work on a solution. I love black men! I just simply want to know what do Black Men stand for? If not God, If not Family, If not education… then what…BET?!
When did God turn into the enemy? When did education become not relevant to survival? When did vanity become more important then morality and family values?