Originally posted on July 18, 2016.
My Ratchet Sunday (entertaining story time):
So yesterday I went on a cousin date with my COUSIN, and we go to the all you can eat Korean BBQ spot. I wore my bright cherry red ratchet t-shirt and packed my ziploc bags for concealed transport of my unauthorized to-go plate.
We pull up at the table to find a couple at the table directly next to us on my right side. Upon sitting down the dude starts looking over at me, off and on, for the duration of the evening. In my mind I was like… Whatever… I am not paying no man ON A DATE WITH HIS BROAD any mind. Let me add that he is also wearing a BRIGHT CHERRY RED SHIRT!!!! So at some point my chatty ass cousin starts making small talk with the couple and for every 5% of convo she gave him, he gave 35% back in return. I took the stance of I am not engaging with them and attempted to get lost in my my phone monitoring my FaceBook mentions. All the while he is continuing to catch my gaze at every opportunity. At some point my spidey senses tingling, telling me something is up.and WHY IN THE HELL DOES HE KEEP LOOKING AT ME?>?>?
So as we are grilling up our dinner on the Korean Bar-b-que pit it dawns on me that he reminds me of the ex CUFF I use to mess with back in the day. Now for my long term House Cats…. those of you that have followed me for 10+ years– if you ever heard me talk about the gyNORMOUS penis story…. HE WAS THE ONE!!!!!
So anyways I am still NOT trying to engage, NOT make eyecontact, NOT converse with him… basically in my own world. At some point another couple sits down on the left side of our table and begins to place their order. I overhear them order soup, so I mumble under my breath in an extremely low voice, “I didn’t know they sold soup… hmmm” …. next thing I know dude responded to my low whisper in a loud outdoor voice, “OH YEaaaaa they carry soup and its very good too, you should try it.” So I am like… why the fuck is he in my mouth… in my conversation… isn’t he on a date?!?!?! REALLY?!
Now he just confirmed that it is in fact HIM. At this point I am texting my cousin from across the table
Kitty: Bishhhh I know him
Cousin: really? He been starring at us the whole time.
Kitty: No, he been staring at me not “us”
Kitty: Like… and to be clear I KNOW HIM… not be confused with “I know him” because there is a difference loll
Cousin: Look at his feet
Kitty: I am not looking over there!
Cousin: His feet are HUGE
Kitty: *inserts kermit and tea cup emoji here*
So towards the end of the meal I start grilling up a bunch of meat and piling it on my plate. My cousin tapped out, but is looking to see if I am going to eat this huge mountain of food on my plate. My bad– I didn’t clue her in to what I was about to do but before I could say a word here comes ole boy all up in my shit again… “Are you going to eat all of that…. we can’t eat anymore over here. It’s a shame they don’t allow us to take food home” My cousin starts chatting with his ass again agreeing and next thing I know I get put on the spot about the food on my plate. I mean what happened to the concept of 1. mind your damn business, and 2. Don’t talk to other chicks while you’re on a date?!?!
So in order to stop them from drawing attention I had to go ahead and confess that I have the ziplocs in my bag. Everyone is in aww… on some why didn’t we think of that.
Kitty: Yeaaaa I’ve been ratchet since 1978, before you heauxs coined it in a song. Back in my day we use to call people like me cosmopolitan… *hmph* loll
Next thing I know dude is looking at me like he is impressed (hahahaha). So now his chick is trying to figure out how she can get the food in her purse as well. *le sighs* I decide to go ahead and help her out. I tell her to make 3 layers of napkins, then make a 4th layer of lettuce leaves from the uneaten salad, pour the meat on the lettuce, and finally bundle it all together and put it in her purse. Now even she is looking at me like I am some sort of super hero.
*le sighs* … and that concludes my night sitting directly next to my ex cuff who is on a date with his woman…. smh. Since when do dudes make conversation in this scenario?!?!?! Most dudes would avoid eye contact and keep their head down. #imDONE !!!!!