Kitty Bradshaw: I am Happy and Finding Peace After a Rough Patch!
I am happy right now. Times got really rough for me during the last 8 months and contrary to my former self I didn’t freak out. I wasn’t sure if the path I chose was the right one and was ready to bail by reverting back to familiar comfort zones. Through broken heart and financial uncertainty I made it out in one piece, stronger than ever! I think God presented this rough patch for many reasons, one being I needed time to just figure out what I wanted. I mean he can give me what I want but if I don’t know what I want I will take it for granted if it just lands in front of me.
So this is what I figured I want–
1. I needed health insurance. Yes, I could purchase insurance yadda-yadda but seriously I am not willing to go bankrupt paying for insurance.
2. I needed a job. Contrary to popular belief being your own boss is not for everyone. People think if you run your own business your life is magically wonderful and all your problems are solved which is simply NOT true. Yes, the freedom to come and go as you please is wonderful but honestly if you are running your own business you put in more work than when you were working for someone else. Additionally, I crave structure so that I can creatively color outside of the lines. There is no ying without the yang for me.
3. I want to have kids and my window for that is closing which is another reason my first two points were so important. It took me a while to become ready to have kids and now I am here. I made a resolution to make the leap in 2017 and it will happen!
4. I want closure on my father situation. I would like to know what his name is and what he looks like.
5. I want only flowing energy around me. This life is so short and I can’t give any more energy to what drains me of my peace. Flowing energy is when you give and receive– sort of like air. When the energy stops flowing there is a blockage somewhere. Sometimes that blockage is me, and other times its them. CALMING AFIRMATION– “This situation, person, or conversation is not making me happy and it is time for me to move where the energy flows.”
6. I want to legally change my name. I have someone else’s name that doesn’t belong to me and it is time for both my faux-daddy and me to let it go.
7. I want to change my site to reflect the change from blogger to freelancer.
Things I am not sure about–
1. Who I am in 140 characters or less. I can’t talk about me because I am still broken. I can heal from a broken heart, loss, rough patches…. but I can’t put to bed 30 years of abuse. I can’t fix what a monster created and destroyed. I can’t fix what morally corrupt people do. I can’t fix human stains. I can’t fix me.
2. So I started to think who is this “me” person? How can I fix something if I don’t know what it looked like to begin with. This is where I started to think about legally changing my name. It’s something that has been on my mind for a while and I decided to do it after I complete a few task. Those task are exhausting all avenues into finding the identity of my biological father, talking to a therapist and/or speaking to my pastor about the blockage I can’t move past, and finally create an outline for this rebirth of sorts. These things have to be completed by the time my first child reaches the age of 2.
So with all that being said once I had the space to flush out a lot of things in my mind I felt peace come upon me. I get so caught up into everything I have going on that the underlining issues don’t get resolved. I am not saying I am perfect, but I am happy in my growth process. I am happy that I am putting plans in motions and they are unfolding right before my eyes. I am now working, and my insurance benefits begin on the first of the month. Also, new website coming soon!