Relationships: The New Normal

 

THINK Piece: Yall do realize that not everybody is into Monogomy? What I mean by that is there are people who walk into relationships and/or marriages with the understanding that there will be other people?!
 
Just like there are people that don’t believe in marriage or don’t believe in titles. This is not to force you to go against what you’re looking for… it’s simply to get you to open your eyes in hopes that you won’t judge others that have relationship goals that don’t align with yours.
 
One of the differences between the new norms of today and our grandparent’s generation is that they were more discreet…. actually more like suppressed (often times brainwashed) but that’s a different conversation. Yes, there are great examples of monogamous relationships (as far as we know lolll). My favorite relationship of all time is Ozzy and Ruby D…. damn… outside looking in what they had was magic.
 
I think that the next time I decide to go off the deep end and fall in love and ole boy talking about he loves my doggy style too (lolll) at the point we are going to have to have a conversation about what does love mean… is it a word… feeling… action… projection…. or prison. Let’s also have a conversation on respect…. what is your definition of respect? What encompasses respect for you? Lastly, if marriage is on the table can we talk about expectations…. lets be real enough to know that marriage is no fairytale… more like a horror film with a chance of a happy ending if both parties work together and share a common goal. Do we expect each other to be faithful? I will describe what I want my ideal mate to be if you tell me the same. For example, I DO NOT believe in 50/50 but rather submitting to my mate… you be the King. The moment a dude says to me 50/50 I go into roommate mode and start posting chores on the refrigerator.
 
Again, in 2018 the rules of engagement have changed! Be open to other peoples interpretations of relationships and most importantly stop slut-shaming women that live outside of conformity.

Running Into the EX with his NEW Woman

Originally posted on July 18, 2016.

My Ratchet Sunday (entertaining story time):

So yesterday I went on a cousin date with my COUSIN, and we go to the all you can eat Korean BBQ spot. I wore my bright cherry red ratchet t-shirt and packed my ziploc bags for concealed transport of my unauthorized to-go plate.

We pull up at the table to find a couple at the table directly next to us on my right side. Upon sitting down the dude starts looking over at me, off and on, for the duration of the evening. In my mind I was like… Whatever… I am not paying no man ON A DATE WITH HIS BROAD any mind. Let me add that he is also wearing a BRIGHT CHERRY RED SHIRT!!!! So at some point my chatty ass cousin starts making small talk with the couple and for every 5% of convo she gave him, he gave 35% back in return. I took the stance of I am not engaging with them and attempted to get lost in my my phone monitoring my FaceBook mentions.  All the while he is continuing to catch my gaze at every opportunity.  At some point my spidey senses tingling, telling me something is up.and WHY IN THE HELL DOES HE KEEP LOOKING AT ME?>?>?

So as we are grilling up our dinner on the Korean Bar-b-que pit it dawns on me that he reminds me of the ex CUFF I use to mess with back in the day. Now for my long term House Cats…. those of you that have followed me for 10+ years– if you ever heard me talk about the gyNORMOUS penis story…. HE WAS THE ONE!!!!!

So anyways I am still NOT trying to engage, NOT make eyecontact, NOT converse with him… basically in my own world. At some point another couple sits down on the left side of our table and begins to place their order. I overhear them order soup, so I mumble under my breath in an extremely low voice, “I didn’t know they sold soup… hmmm” …. next thing I know dude responded to my low whisper in a loud outdoor voice, “OH YEaaaaa they carry soup and its very good too, you should try it.” So I am like… why the fuck is he in my mouth… in my conversation… isn’t he on a date?!?!?! REALLY?!

Now he just confirmed that it is in fact HIM. At this point I am texting my cousin from across the table

Kitty: Bishhhh I know him
Cousin: really? He been starring at us the whole time.
Kitty: No, he been staring at me not “us”
Kitty: Like… and to be clear I KNOW HIM… not be confused with “I know him” because there is a difference loll
Cousin: Look at his feet
Kitty: I am not looking over there!
Cousin: His feet are HUGE
Kitty: *inserts kermit and tea cup emoji here*

So towards the end of the meal I start grilling up a bunch of meat and piling it on my plate. My cousin tapped out, but is looking to see if I am going to eat this huge mountain of food on my plate. My bad– I didn’t clue her in to what I was about to do but before I could say a word here comes ole boy all up in my shit again… “Are you going to eat all of that…. we can’t eat anymore over here. It’s a shame they don’t allow us to take food home” My cousin starts chatting with his ass again agreeing and next thing I know I get put on the spot about the food on my plate. I mean what happened to the concept of 1. mind your damn business, and 2. Don’t talk to other chicks while you’re on a date?!?!

So in order to stop them from drawing attention I had to go ahead and confess that I have the ziplocs in my bag. Everyone is in aww… on some why didn’t we think of that.

Kitty: Yeaaaa I’ve been ratchet since 1978, before you heauxs coined it in a song. Back in my day we use to call people like me cosmopolitan… *hmph* loll

Next thing I know dude is looking at me like he is impressed (hahahaha). So now his chick is trying to figure out how she can get the food in her purse as well. *le sighs* I decide to go ahead and help her out. I tell her to make 3 layers of napkins, then make a 4th layer of lettuce leaves from the uneaten salad, pour the meat on the lettuce, and finally bundle it all together and put it in her purse.  Now even she is looking at me like I am some sort of super hero.

*le sighs* … and that concludes my night sitting directly next to my ex cuff who is on a date with his woman…. smh. Since when do dudes make conversation in this scenario?!?!?! Most dudes would avoid eye contact and keep their head down. #imDONE !!!!!

Wednesday Topic: Do you love your doctor?

For the 1st time in my LIFE I have doctors that I love. My general practitioner is so caring and my OBGYN has been a rockstar during all my surgeries and after care. He came to visit me everyday in the hospital.

So this all got me to thinking… why did I never think it was important to have doctors that I cared about. I think somewhere along the line someone should have told me that the relationship between my doctor and I should be just as important as my other day 2 day relationships such as your barber or hairdresser. Ok “Love” is a strong word but at the very least you should be comfortable enough where you don’t feel anxiety about going to see them.

Now I am curious to know what type of relationship you have with your doctor. Do you care about them or is it like a one night stand type of relationship ?

A Lesson in Positive Energy

Positive Energy 2

This week has been a lesson in positive energy. We each have a power source that allows us to control who can plug in. Negative energy drains my power source so I only allow positive energy to get close. Now some people will take this as a que to stay home, remain silent, and/or close themselves off.  One of the many things I have learned is that you get as much energy as you put out– and when nothing is given you eventually die out. At this point in my life I am also learning more and more to stop giving things energy that keep me down and instead channeling it to what makes me happy. This is not to say life will be perfect… but through those imperfect moments I can extract the lesson and learn to be resilient. From there I can pass lessons learned onto others and receive a new portion of positive energy and blessings. People often complain about why they keep facing the same circumstances over and over again while allowing the same negative energy to make a home in their life. What they don’t know is as soon as they release it physically, mentally, internally, externally, and/ or unfriend it by any means necessary– you make room for new energy.

But let me dumb this down a bit and get even more transparent. When you hang around negative people you become negative. I like to be around people that I feel safe with. Free of judgement, free of stress, free in mind and spirit. People on the same page often gravitate towards me because I am clear them that I am not God, I am an imperfect Christian, I am a sinner… I don’t waste time judging others because my life is a mess. I don’t waste time volunteering advice… but more often than not people come to me for advice for whatever reason loll.

 

Positive Energy

 

My thoughts over the last week have been about how this time last year I was in love with the wrong man. Now that I am not as angry and can see more definition of the leaves on the trees– although I have a right to be mad, I also have the right to unplug him from my life by no longer focusing on what he did, and focusing on whats to come, the people here, the time saved finding out early on.

For those of you that complain about being single, having no friends, can’t catch a break– what is the condition of your power source? What and who are you allowing to plug in? What is your positive energy output? Are you dwelling on the past without resolve or looking towards the future? How much time are you dedicating a day towards resolution? Are the people around you inspiring you to move forward or encouraging you to maintain old situations.

Life.

Kitty Bradshaw: I am Happy and Finding Peace After a Rough Patch!

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Kitty Bradshaw: I am Happy and Finding Peace After a Rough Patch!

I am happy right now. Times got really rough for me during the last 8 months and contrary to my former self I didn’t freak out. I wasn’t sure if the path I chose was the right one and was ready to bail by reverting back to familiar comfort zones. Through broken heart and financial uncertainty I made it out in one piece, stronger than ever! I think God presented this rough patch for many reasons, one being I needed time to just figure out what I wanted. I mean he can give me what I want but if I don’t know what I want I will take it for granted if it just lands in front of me.

So this is what I figured I want–

1. I needed health insurance. Yes, I could purchase insurance yadda-yadda but seriously I am not willing to go bankrupt paying for insurance.
2. I needed a job.  Contrary to popular belief being your own boss is not for everyone.  People think if you run your own business your life is magically wonderful and all your problems are solved which is simply NOT true.  Yes, the freedom to come and go as you please is wonderful but honestly if you are running your own business you put in more work than when you were working for someone else. Additionally, I crave structure so that I can creatively color outside of the lines.  There is no ying without the yang for me.
3. I want to have kids and my window for that is closing which is another reason my first two points were so important.  It took me a while to become ready to have kids and now I am here.  I made a resolution to make the leap in 2017 and it will happen!
4. I want closure on my father situation.  I would like to know what his name is and what he looks like.
5. I want only flowing energy around me.  This life is so short and I can’t give any more energy to what drains me of my peace.  Flowing energy is when you give and receive– sort of like air.  When the energy stops flowing there is a blockage somewhere.  Sometimes that blockage is me, and other times its them.  CALMING AFIRMATION– “This situation, person, or conversation is not making me happy and it is time for me to move where the energy flows.”
6. I want to legally change my name.  I have someone else’s name that doesn’t belong to me and it is time for both my faux-daddy and me to let it go.
7. I want to change my site to reflect the change from blogger to freelancer. 
untitled

Things I am not sure about–

1. Who I am in 140 characters or less.  I can’t talk about me because I am still broken.  I can heal from a broken heart, loss, rough patches…. but I can’t put to bed 30 years of abuse.  I can’t fix what a monster created and destroyed. I can’t fix what morally corrupt people do.  I can’t fix human stains.  I can’t fix me.
2.  So I started to think who is this “me” person?  How can I fix something if I don’t know what it looked like to begin with.  This is where I started to think about legally changing my name.  It’s something that has been on my mind for a while and I decided to do it after I complete a few task.  Those task are exhausting all avenues into finding the identity of my biological father, talking to a therapist and/or speaking to my pastor about the blockage I can’t move past, and finally create an outline for this rebirth of sorts.  These things have to be completed by the time my first child reaches the age of 2.
So with all that being said once I had the space to flush out a lot of things in my mind I felt peace come upon me.  I get so caught up into everything I have going on that the underlining issues don’t get resolved.  I am not saying I am perfect, but I am happy in my growth process.  I am happy that I am putting plans in motions and they are unfolding right before my eyes.  I am now working, and my insurance benefits begin on the first of the month. Also, new website coming soon!

Rebirth is beautiful.

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Last Night in LA: San Francisco Tourism Dinner at the Loews Hollywood #VisitSF

Last Night in LA: San Francisco Tourism Dinner at the Loews Hollywood

San Francisco Tourism Dinner

Based on your comments from my various social feeds on my photo– I already know what you’re thinking. The San Francisco tourism board host dinners around the country and invites out travel and tourism writers to meet with representatives. During these dinners we discuss what’s new and happening in and around the San Francisco area with representatives from various attractions. Once we are able to visit the Golden City, we already have leads in place in order to generate content. Since I’ve been back in California I find myself spending more and more time in the Bay Area for numerous reasons (the most important one is to watch my beloved Oakland Raiders play). The media dinner’s help with extracting what to do and see while visiting as I turn all personal trips into content for the various outlets that I write for.  Everything else is a bonus and leads to great content be it participating in the Pride Parade, eating at Barn Diva in Healdsburg, or walking across the most famous bridge in the world.

 

San Francisco Tourism Dinner 2

Last night’s dinner made me more amped to get back to San Francisco as they have several things in the works that peak my interest.

  1. The Walt Disney Family Museum- I think we all can agree that Walt Disney is one of the top 10 California residents of all time. What I didn’t know was that his family is from the Bay area and have a museum filled with items from his estate.
  2. The Oakland Museum of California– they have three exhibits Altered State: Marijuana in California is April 16-September 25, Black Panthers: All Power to the People opens October 8, and the exhibit on Photographer Dorothea Lange opens November 12.
  3. Pier 39– Always a good spot for sea lions, waterfront dining, street performers, live music, shopping and more [Wiki]
  4. Sonoma Valley– did you know Sonoma County had a beach?  Clearly I was left out of the loop
  5. City of Oakland– I already knew that Oakland was home to the greatest team in sports history, but I also learned that it is home to 10 wineries within 10 miles of each other.
  6. San Francisco– every time I visit this golden city, I never have enough time to see everything.  I might be embarrassed to say that I didn’t know they had a world famous Farmer’s Market.

 

San Francisco Tourism Dinner 3

The San Francisco Tourism Dinner made me do something I generally don’t do which is consider visiting the bay before NFL pre-season.    I am going to try to get there before Summer and visit the new exhibits and beaches.

 

Bay Area 13Nikon D3300 - 5

Healdsburg California

 

Tech Review: Adobe Photoshop Elements 14 @AdobeElements @BestBuy #BestLifeEver

adobe_65264005_adobe_photoshop_elements_14_1183560

Disclaimer:  All posts must include the following disclaimer:  The reviewer has been compensated in the form of a Best Buy Gift Card and/or received the product/service at a reduced price or for free.


 

 

Ten years ago prior to me moving to the east coast, I went back to school to take an Adobe Suite course. Social Media was still relatively new back then and I found myself utilizing the services of graphic designers more and more. Instead of pouring endless amounts of money on banners and minor edits, I decided to become self-sufficient by learning a new skill. What I didn’t know was that in that moment I would be making one of the best decisions of my life. At that time I was on the cusp of a budding career, and that my new skill would fast track me to success.

Through my previous work with Best Buy, I had the opportunity to review the new Adobe Photoshop Elements 14 Adobe Elements 14b. Being that I am Photoshop’s #1 cheerleader, I was oh too happy to try out the new product. Let me just cut past the flowery descriptive words and say that I love this program. In my opinion, this is like the original Photoshop only with training wheels. With the introduction of so many apps from other brands that focus on filters and/or minor edits that cut corners I feel as if superior photo and video editing programs such as Adobe have been forced to the background. I ask people all the time instead of learning 30 new apps, why not learn Photoshop and save time, energy, and space on your computer or smartphone. Which leads me to why I love Adobe Photoshop Elements 14; it’s like the gateway to Photoshop. Remember when I said earlier that it’s like Photoshop with training wheels? What I meant by that is it comes with scripts that walk you through making both major and minor edits to your photographs. Once you become more advanced, you can choose to move up from Quick, then Guided, and finally Expert level and have more flexibility to play with settings.

My favorite features are the Enhance features such as the Auto Shake Reduction where it sharpens blurred pictures from an unsteady hand. I also love the Auto Haze Removal that eliminates fog and smoke. In regards to cons, I don’t really have any but I do recommend that they add an extractions guide, and more photo styles. I know that you can manually add them on PS, but not sure if you can do that here. Being that this is more for beginners and intermediate, I think that Adobe should add them since that’s what most non pros download these types of software and apps for.  All-in-All this is great software for students, teachers looking to create handouts for their class, and office managers creating fliers for the team.  Both above and below are two photos from my trip to Mexico.  I made a few tweaks in order to enhance the colors.  For more info and purchasing check out Adobe Photoshop Elements 14 here.

Adobe Elements 14b

New York Travel: The Bronx on Gerard Avenue

161st Yankee Stadium Bronx

New York Travel: Gerard Avenue in the Bronx

During my time living in New York, I took up residence in all 6 boroughs (New Jersey). The Bronx was the final borough, and the scariest for me to move into. The reason I was scared is because I didn’t know much about it, and didn’t know a lot of people who admitted to living there. What intrigued me most was the cheap rent, large spaces often found in the pre-war buildings, and the fact the neighborhoods most resemble ones found in Los Angeles. Now before you pick up and move there I must warn you that it’s all about who you know. As I mentioned before, most people claim “New York” without mentioning The Bronx specifically so it’s difficult for a transplant to come in and make real estate connections. Additionally, the longtime residents in all boroughs want to keep the wall of fear up to keep out gentrification, and tourist. That train of thought is understandable; look at whats taking place in Brooklyn where the rent is averaging higher than Manhattan.

My 900 sqft studio cost me $781 a month. Aside from the occasional “ginormous” NYC monster bug crawling in every now and then, I absolutely adorned my apartment. Who remembers by post on NYC exterminators?! One thing I can say about living anywhere in New York, if you want to live the dream you also have to accept the nightmare, loll. My apartment was on the Grand Concourse off 161st located near two grocery stores, Yankee Stadium, and a $22 cab ride from Times Square. I had a real prize living there and felt real anxiety in making the decision to give it up and move back to California.

 

Crown Diner Bronx

Crown Diner: 79 E 161st St, Bronx, NY 10451

Last weekend I visited The Bronx for the first time since April 2014. I posted on social media that the single thing I miss the most is the coffee. The Bronx has the best coffee in the world bka United States. My favorite location to get “le cafe hood”  is Crown Diner off Gerard Ave & 161st. A large coffee is $1.75, enough said! During my visit, I b-lined to this neighborhood mainstay and indulged until my heart’s content. Crown Diner Bronx 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am sure it is some sort of local brand they use… it very well could be Folgers coffee. Regardless of brand it’s the way they make it and the heart and soul that makes it so special. One Bronx cup of coffee keeps me buzzing all day.

 

Feeding Tree Bronx

Feeding Tree: 892 Gerard Ave, Bronx, NY 10452

Keeping everything on the same street, Gerard Avenue also has one of my favorite locations to get Ackee & Saltfish with dumplings. The Feeding Tree Jamaican restaurant is where you could find me on many Saturday mornings picking up breakfast and ginger beer.

Feeding Tree Bronx 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or just before a snow storm getting a batch of fish cakes. I picture it in my mind like a scene from a movie. For some reason whenever there was a pending snow storm, I always stopped in to get an order of those fish cakes as it helped to ease the anxiety of being snowed in.

 

Papa Juan Cigar Room

Papa Juan Cigar Room: 886 Gerard Ave, Bronx, NY 10452

Papa Juan Cigar Room, complete with new owners and new renovations also sits on Gerard Avenue. During my recent visit to my favorite borough, my best friend Mike and I stopped in for my first cigar experience. What promoted this spontaneous experience was a documentary on Cuba during my plane ride there.

Papa Juan Cigar Room 3

During the film it talked about how Cuban cigars give you a slight buzz. Being the resident pothead that I am; I was oh too curious as to what type of buzz that could be achieved through smoking cigars. Ok so it wasn’t the same buzz as “kush”, but I definitely felt the vibrations which totally relaxed us as we reclined in the leather chairs and caught up on lost time between Mike and I.

 

Papa Juan Cigar Room 2

I spent a total of 5 days in New York and my time in The Bronx was the most memorable. It is not just a borough it is a way of life that can’t be duplicated or explained through blog post. Gerard Avenue is a small piece of the magic that exist in my heart. I do miss it very much and love it as much as I love L.A.

 

 

Honolulu: Ono Seafood Serves Poke Goodness

Ono Poke

Before I begin talking about my favorite Poke spot ever, I must give the background on my obsession with raw fish.   The first time I visited the island of Hawaii, I was very much open to trying new things.  I am the type of person that will sit down and have the waiter order me his favorite dish.  To be completely transparent I was never a person that was thrilled about eating raw anything be it meat or vegetables.  However, to my credit I am adventurous… it just takes some coaxing.   My first experience was similar to what I just described; it took place at the Tropics Bar & Grill located in the Hilton Hawaiian Village.  This was the best place to begin my poke experience in all its touristy-over-priced glory, I had their Ahi Poke Sampler and instantly fell in love.  The fish was fresh which eliminated the fishy taste that often kept me away from consuming it.  I was so in love I began researching other places on the island to eat the dish, which led me to Ono Seafood.

Ono Seafood only serves one thing, POKE! Who knew I could love raw fish so much- Hawaii made me a true believer.  During my quest to find the best Poke, I was directed to two places, Safeway and Ono Seafood.  I actually tried both, but prefer Ono because I am not a fan of imitation crab, one of the main ingredients that makes the Safeway version popular.  I really have no rhyme or reason behind why I love Ono Seafood so much. Having tried it at multiple places around the island and experienced anywhere from too many ingredients to mediocre to just plain out bad… Ono Seafood remain both delicious and consistent in each of my experiences.

Ono Seafood

Give me the #7 & #8 please!!! 🙂

If you are new to the experience I think you should follow my steps and go to the Tropics first for presentation sake, then graduate and fall in love with Ono Seafood, a mom and pop establishment with no frills and great food.

Ono Seafood Address: 747 Kapahulu Ave, Honolulu, HI 96816

Happy New Year: My Vision Board 2016

 

Vision Board 2016

Happy New Year: My Vision Board 2016

 

Typically, I don’t do vision boards because I make moves in the moment they hit me. Out of pure novelty and a love for crafts I took the bait and created a vision board. It seemed simple enough to cut out a few pictures and catch phrases, then paste them onto a white board. As I was flipping through the pages of the many magazines I realized that I am at a crossroads in my life. Creating goals, following my dreams, making changes is not an issue for me. My proven track record shows that I am more than capable of creating a business, moving across country, and building something out of nothing. While the professional portion of my life continues to thrive, the personal side failed to launch. This is where the confusion began.

Having it all means sacrifice. So essentially you can’t have it all because both career and personal life require 100%. I have spent years building my brand, which allowed for little time to date and pursue marriage. When a woman is career driven she has to find a man that balances her out and is supportive. Initially I thought finding a man that was equally as career driven would be the answer. However, if two people are putting 100% into their individual careers you both end up back at square one feeling lonely and/ or unfulfilled in your personal life.

In 2016, I have so many opportunities that will expand my brand into new territory or I could simply take a job and be normal, date, and go out with friends. Either way this is definitely an interesting and exciting time in my life. Other points I covered on my vision board were:

 

  1. Remaining positive as I do battle with depression. Focusing on what makes me great, happy, and feeling good as oppose to getting caught up on things done to me in the past.
  2. Building my confidence. I pretend to be confident.
  3. Tracing my Family roots and seeing if I can find out who my biological father is.
  4. Launching a new website.
  5. International Travel. I would like to visit Cuba.
  6. Writing about my life and human stains through essays in order to help others.
  7. 60 Seconds to calm. I want to continue to use meditation as therapy for healing.
  8. Role Models: Positive Role Models. Keep positive, productive people around me.
  9. Prepare to have a baby.
  10. Finding love. That doesn’t mean in a romantic relationship, but rather family, friends, work. I have a lot of trauma, and I learned last year that love heals.

 

Did you do a 2016 Vision Board?