1. Financial Immaturity– Well this was my last year’s resolution and it took about 4 months to become more stable, but I achieved it. I want to continue to work on this in 2011…. So basically leave bad spending habits, and lack of planning in 2010.
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2. People- I am leaving a lot of people behind in 2010. I feel as if there are people who take kindness for weakness, and in a sense kindness is weakness. Being kind to people leaves you vulnerable to certain people who take advantage of that. I think in 2011, I will discover who I am minus the people who have attached themselves on and became emotional leeches. There are so many people who are miserable and want to put that misery on you. The old saying is, “Misery Loves Company”… I didn’t understand what that meant until my hair started falling out. I didn’t understand until I started to question why I have anxiety attacks.
Since the early part of 2010, I have begun weeding people out of my life….. actually I pretty much just cleared everyone out except for a select few. I can honestly say I am much happier as a person. I woke up one day last month and saw light. I woke up one morning and I thanked God for no reason at all. I am beginning to know what “Happy” means. I want to be a light to people around me, and a distant memory to those who never cared for me.
3. Unhealthy Lifestyle– So I realize that despite the disaster which is my life, I still need to remain healthy. I realize I am getting older, and want to start taking vitamins, and doing more physical activity.
4. Trauma- I think at one point I made peace with God… I asked him to never bring me around my mother again, and I in exchange will work hard to not hate her. This is a day by day process and I more so than ever believe that there is a Devil. The Devil reminds me of all the things that happened to me in the past; he reminds me that I am alone in this world; he reminds me that I am accident. The Devil wants to keep me in this dark place.
The point of all that is… I work hard to remain positive. I work hard to keep my sanity. I work hard to remain strong. I work hard to keep my faith in God. If I didn’t have faith in him, I would be dead… most likely from my own hand. I owe God everything that is me. I want to continue to work on leaving past trauma’s behind.
5. Love- I don’t know what Love is, but whatever it is, it should stay in 2010. I am not bitter, I am not angry behind love imploding… I think I lived, I learned, and now I want to move on. There is someone I have loved for a very long time… I just wish I wasn’t Mount Rushmore and he wasn’t the Grand Canyon… we just weren’t meant to be together.